The sun breaks darkness and we rise at the same time. Silence calls a heartbeat from the still depth of my chest to inspire action. I stand, feet touching down in unison powered by blood pumping to operate. My limbs rise, reaching through space as muscles loosen in time with joints popping the sounds of freedom.
My ears register the click of second hands screaming from the desk and off the wall. Each beat serves as a reminder of moments meeting expiration. I pause and hold my breath. For the first time, each tick is not condemning lost opportunity. They are simply begging to be used. And to be used well.
I rise to a new day. A day meant to be lived for the purpose of exhaustion.
To push loosened muscles to failure.
To strain my eyes in pursuit of knowledge.
To blister my palms under the weight of exertion.
To tire my feet from going the distance.
To stain my hands with the ink of creativity.
To hoarse my voice from excessive laughter.
To drain my energy past collapse.
To give everything I have because others have repeatedly given more just so I can wake and stand and stretch and breathe. No one comes each morning to remind me of this privilege so I must remind myself, here and now in the quiet. I am here because of the gracious giving of others, most of whom I will never know.
So I crush depression.
So I cripple anxiety.
So I punish laziness.
So I fight with everything I have because there is no other option. The only forfeit worth pursuing is the surrender to living. Death is the judge and it will come for me in time. Don’t invite it just yet. Prepare for it by being spent. I use everything I have, everything I have been given, so when my rendezvous with the end is at hand there is nothing left to leave behind.
Live for what came before.
Live for what is here now.
Live for what will come next.
The good and the bad.
The victory and the failure.
-Know the darkness. Don’t embrace it.-
May 20th, 2019
CRUSOE 