I turn right at the jewelry store and pass parking spots on the way to the end of the lot. Three blinding white lights greet my arrival and illuminate the gear shift as I ease the handle upward and feel the jerk of motion ceasing in park. I quiet the engine and lean back into the headrest, shutting my eyes to keep the light from burning into my vision. I inhale slowly and exhale even slower. If the cabin of the car wasn’t heating up so quickly I imagine I could probably just sleep here.
After a prolonged silent moment, I twist the keys around in my right hand while opening the door with my left. I hear a dog barking as I step out into the arms of a not-too-cold summer evening. I walk to the front of the building to check for mail, of which there is none, and return the way I came along the side of the building toward the stairs in the back. I glance to neighboring houses during my ascent and see a well-lit back porch facing an empty, above ground swimming pool next to a well-used trampoline enclosed in a net. No one is on the porch and it seems fitting for all three of places within the fenced backyard to be abandoned together, especially at this hour of the night.
At the top of the stairs while passing through keys in search of one to match the exterior lock, I spot a vacant section of railing once secured by a beam but months since destroyed in anger and wonder if it’s actually a metaphor about giving up in the face of adversity.
Blinding lights, empty porches and broken handrails fill my head as I walk inside down the grey hallway speckled black and white over to number three. Somehow, the corridor feels more lonely than night and I steal a look both ways before slipping in the room. I turn the lights on, pet the cat, set the keys down, take both shoes off, brush my teeth, remove two contacts, drink some water, turn the lights off, lay down and go to sleep.
-To put it simply; I’m tired.-
July 24th, 2019
CRUSOE 